The most important thing to me now that my children are all grown up is to have good relationships with my children, who are away in several places far from me.

I just had to sit down and think about what I was really trying to say. What’s the center of it? What’s the real point? I guess it’s about wanting good relationships with my kids.

The most important thing to me now that my children are all grown up is to have good relationships with my children, who are away in several places far from me.

I noticed how it starts out “The most important thing is…” That sounds kind of like the “There is…” “There are…” and “It is…” openings that Mr. Williams doesn’t like, doesn’t it? So, I figured that I should get rid of that…

The most important thing to me now that my children are all grown up is to have good relationships with my children, who are away in several places far from me.

Now that my children are all grown… what about good relationships? I want to have them, right? That’s what I’d say if I was just saying it. I want to have good relationships with my kids.

The most important thing to me now that my children are all grown up is I want to have good relationships with my children, who are away in several places far from me.

What about the end? “who are away in several places far from me…” that’s just too long. But I kinda want to say about how they’re spread out all over. Maybe I can put it in the beginning, with the part about how my kids are all grown up? I mean, both parts are talking about my kids…

The most important thing to me now that my children are all grown up and spread out all over, is I want to have good relationships with my children, who are away in several places far from me.

So, the final thing reads…

Now that my children are all grown up and spread out all over, I want to have good relationships with my children.

Better, I think. But wait. It says “my children” twice. Sounds redundant… maybe the second one should say “them.”

Now that my children are all grown up and spread out all over, I want to have good relationships with them my children.

And I say “all” twice, too. The same words just slip in over and over… maybe I’ll take out the first one.

Now that my children are all grown up and spread out all over, I want to have good relationships with them my children.

That’s sounding good. But wait. I don’t want to really say “have.” That sounds kind of like I mean I didn’t have a good relationship already. I mean to keep up…

Now that my children are all grown up and spread out all over, I want to keep up have good relationships with them my children.

So now it reads…

Now that my children are grown up and spread out all over, I want to keep up good relationships with them.

What do you think? Do you have a better way to say it?

One thing Mr. Williams taught me is that good writing sounds natural. It doesn’t sound formal or forced… so whenever I feel like I’m just getting caught up in a bunch of words, I sit back and ask myself… what do I really mean? What am I trying to say? Then I try to say it like I think it, as simply as possible.

Here’s an example of something I wrote when I got all caught up in the words…

The most important thing to me now that my children are all grown up is to have good relationships with my children, who are away in several places far from me.

It’s just too long, isn’t it? Or something. I have to think about what I really mean, and then rewrite it. How would you rewrite it? I’ll let you know what I did next week.