Why haven't you ever met your father? You almost did, once. When you were young, I received a letter from your father after he was released from jail. He said that, after going to jail, he'd changed, and he wanted to meet you. But I was afraid he hadn't changed. Roberto, I stopped you from meeting your father then because, although you are alike in some ways and your father has some very good qualities, you are also different in many ways, and I didn't want your father to be a bad influence or to hurt you. I wrote this letter, though, so when you're older you can understand my motivations.
I remember hearing that your father was in jail. I was holding the phone, talking to a friend, and suddenly it was like I couldn't hear anymore. I was pregnant with you, and I put my hand on my belly and felt you kick. I knew that this would happen, but I still was shocked. Octavio really wasn't going to be there for you--for us. Then, I knew I'd have to be the one you'd rely on for everything. He messed up his life by being in gangs and drugs. He let us down by going to jail--and it wasn't just that one thing. I couldn't count on him even before he went to jail. He thought of himself instead of thinking of me and you. He had bad friends, and he can be a very bad influence on the people around him. I looked up some information about people who go to jail at the Department of Justice website, and almost two thirds of prisoners who get out of jail are arrested again for serious crimes. I can't trust that your father won't be arrested again or go back to jail.
Still, your daddy is a part of you. You have so many of his good qualities--you're smart and funny and strong. That scares me too, sometimes. You got into some fights at school right before I got the letter from your father. It made me think how alike you were--good looking, smooth talkers, with so much potential! You both could make me so happy--and scared, too. Your father went the wrong way, and I didn't want you to follow him.
I can see your father in you, but you're still yourself--your own person. You have so many good qualities that your daddy doesn't have. You will do great things with your life, I know it. You're unselfish, with a good heart. And, though I can't trust your father right now--I know I can always trust you, because you show your love to me every day.
At the beginning of this letter, I asked why you have never met your father. I hope now you understand the reasons. Maybe, now that you're older and can understand better, you can meet with him if you want to. No matter what you decide, I'm sorry you couldn't have a better Daddy growing up. I've always wanted you to have good things, and I will always want you to have the best life possible.
Good job, girl. I dig your message to your kid. Hope when he grow up and reads it, he'll figure out how much you care 'bout him. I put a 4 for organization cuz it's pretty good, but sometimes it seems to like jump from one paragraph to another, like the first and second. Maybe it needs some transitions, like? An' the other 4 was language... sometimes I get the feeling there's better words out there... hard to reach 'em, huh? I almost gave a 5 for spelling and stuff, but I think "Daddy" oughtta be lowercased near the end, "a better Daddy," that's not a name there, you know. Good job, tho, Girl!
I am sending you a copy of the letter that I plan to give to Roberto when he is older. I hope that it will help you understand why I do not want you in our lives right now. Your letter said you've changed, but I can't take the chance that it's not true, for Roberto's sake. I hope that you can respect my decision. Please write me back, and let me know that you will not call me anymore or try to see Roberto.
Why is it so hard for parents and children to get along? When I was a child, I had countless fights with my parents, and looking back, they seem sadly unnecessary. Still, I learned important life lessons from fighting with my parents. One argument that stands out in my mind took place on Christmas Eve.
The story begins when I had an epiphany. It seemed like a brilliant idea--to me, anyway. I was going to stay up and meet Santa Claus! Then, my parents told me I couldn't. My mother said, "Santa won't come until you're asleep." I cried. I screamed. I yelled! My parents sent me upstairs to bed. I wouldn't see Santa that night.
I lay angrily in my bed before going to sleep. I thought I'd never forgive my parents. What I didn't know was that there was no Santa. My parents just didn't want me to be disappointed. They wanted a good Christmas for all of us.
Eventually, I learned a lot from this fight. I ruined my own Christmas Eve by making my own problem. If I could have just trusted the people who loved me, my mother and father, then I could have had a much happier Christmas. This experience was one step toward becoming a more trusting son.
I guess parents and children will never really get along, but that's not a bad thing. Children are learning who they are, how they should act, and how to relate to their parents. This conflict taught me something about trust, and every argument teaches a child a little something new.
The most important influence in my life has been my family. When I examine myself, I see that my most important character traits come from my home life: determination and pride in myself. These values make me who I am, and they are an invaluable legacy from my Italian-American ancestors.
My grandfather came to the United States from Italy and began working as a carpenter. He started with nothing, and my father grew up without new toys or clothes. When I was a young child, my parents and I lived in my grandfather’s house, and my father and grandfather worked together to build their carpentry business. My father used to tell me that no matter where you began in life, you could always make your life better through hard work. His determination served as an example for me. I saw his hard work pay off when the business began to grow, and I applied myself to school and learning the violin with the same determination. I see my achievements as an extension of my father and grandfather’s hard work, which taught me the determination I need to succeed.
Determination is only one gift my parents have given me. My mother taught me to take pride in myself and my heritage. In the afternoons, when my mother cooks dinner, she talks with me about Italy. She tells me her memories associated with the different dishes that she makes and stories about her family. She also talks with me about art and Italian culture. In turn, I tell my mother about my life and my feelings. Through her support and through her stories, I have become more confident in myself, and I see my relationship with Italy’s beautiful culture.
My family and my heritage have had a great impact on my life. My experience with my family has made me realize that family is important to every individual. Each person learns unique lessons from his or her cultural heritage. As I move out into the world, I hope to share the value of my culture with others and learn about others’ cultures as well.
