The annual two day cattle drive to summer range remains a special memory for me. It was a time when my family and friends would gather together and herd three hundred and fifty cow, calf pairs up to summer range. Our group of cowboys consisted of seven riders, four seasoned cattle dogs, and mother, who followed behind with a pickup truck teeming with camping gear and food.
The cattle drive could begin after the calves where branded, and paired up with their mothers. Morning would find us mounted up, and slowly gathering the pairs from the field. After a last ride through the surrounding bush looking for strays, we'd push them out the back gate and start up the trail. The progress was very slow to start with, mothers would become frantic and begin running from one calf to the next, searching for their calf. While the calves were also running frantically and bawling, certain their mothers remained in the field. Finally mothers and calves would settle down, and the cattle drive could begin in earnest. It was an impressive sight watching three hundred and fifty head of cattle line out, and start moving up the trail. The day wore on hot and dusty causing the cowboys, cow dogs and cattle to make slow progress while we followed the sinuous trail, as it climbed higher and higher towards natural meadows, lush with grass.
After a long, satisfying day in the saddle, we finally reached the half way mark and made our camp for the night. The cattle were turned onto a huge, natural meadow, where the exhausted creatures could finally rest and feed. The saddle horses were tended to next, and tethered or hobbled for the night in the nearby meadow. Finally we could return to camp were mom had a roaring fire going, and dinner almost ready. Now the tired cowboys and cow dogs could eat, then lay back and relax, while we socialized before bed. Before long sleep would overcome us and we'd turn in for the night. With a light tarp for a tent, we could watch the stars illuminate the evening sky, as we drifted off to sleep. Cow dogs would snuggle close and provide extra warmth from the cool evening air, and serve as protection from any unwanted wild visitors passing through during the night.
Daybreak arrived and the fire was rekindled, soon everyone was up and breakfast was devoured. The horses were saddled and camp was dismantled. Finally, we gathered the cattle from the meadow, and the last leg of the journey was again underway. Another long, dusty day lay ahead, but we were all smiles as we eagerly anticipated the day. We enjoyed every moment of this journey, with its long, dusty trail. The sound of bawling cattle, barking cow dogs, and shouts of encouragement from riders, caused the day to evaporate into the wind.
Meadows appeared in the distance, signifying the two day cattle drive had finally reached the end of the trail. Another successful drive completed, all three hundred and fifty cow, calf pairs had safely reached the summer range. Now the exhausted cowboys, cow dogs, and cow horses could relax, then enjoy the long ride home. While entertaining inviting thoughts of many long, pleasurable rides back up to this beautiful summer range, to move the cattle to fresh meadows, check for predators, and doctor any sick critters.
The fundamental elements essential in a strong and satisfying relationship, originate with these five main qualities: Love, honesty, respect, trust and commitment.
Love is emphatically the beginning of a healthy relationship. With love as the foundation, a common bond develops and inspires a union to begin. As the relationship grows, mutual honesty becomes essential.Honesty enhances the foundation of love by affirming your partners importance. Honesty reveals each partners personal values and attitudes toward life, and humanity. The presence of honesty manifests self-worth and respect.
Respect contributes by powerfully expressing the mutual equality shared in this relationship, while emphasizing the value of your partners feelings, thus reaffirming their personal importance. As this foundation continues to evolve, a deep connection of love becomes apparent and intensifies. Gradually, trust begins to develop and strengthen.
Trust fearlessly emerges and begins to flourish, invoking empathy and passion towards your partner. As trust continues to deepen, the relationship embraces an intense, nourishing vulnerability inherent in true passion. The strength this induces, harmonized with the other essential elements, invokes an intense level of passion and trust that inspires commitment.
Commitment is ultimately the final element inherent in a healthy, loving relationship. The vivid feelings of love, honesty, respect and trust generate an atmosphere of contentment. Subsequently, arousing a strong desire for the perpetual solace and satisfaction which is lovingly embraced in a dedicated, lifelong union.
Harmonizing the essential elements of love, honesty, respect, trust and commitment is vital to continually nurture a lasting and loving relationship. With diligent involvement and attention from both partners, a satisfying journey will perpetuate. Love will flourish from this powerful foundation, thus encouraging and arousing an intense, passionate union which will endlessly evolve and strengthen.
Parenting requires valuable skills, and some of the most important are: being responsible and mature, possessing strong morals and values, being loving, as well as living a balanced and realistic life.
Parents that are responsible and mature have the ability to see things in life with greater clarity. They understand their behavior will influence this child, and what he learns will last a lifetime. Since learning by example is so powerful, this child will be greatly influenced by his parents morals and values.
Parents with strong morals and values convey the importance of these traits every day in their life. The fairness and equality displayed will reveal consistency and reliability. As the child begins to develop these traits and build a solid core, it will reflect the love and kindness within the home.
When parents provide a secure and loving environment for this child to grow up in, they encourage his happiness, while developing his ability to focus and learn. As this child matures, he will surround himself with the traits and values that he has learned in his youth. Therefore it is necessary to develop a solid core within this child so he can relate to these quality's during his adolescence, and become a balanced and realistic adult.
When parents are balanced and realistic they also have the foresight to influence this child to be committed and successful in school; while conveying the great importance behind developing a career for his future. Parents who value and celebrate each victory the child achieves while supporting him in his development and growth, will raise a child who is a treasure to society.
Parents who embrace these attributes in their lives, have the ability to raise a child with a much broader view of life. They instill in this child the ability to accomplish future goals, while providing the security for him to mature into a responsible adult. Life presents immense challenges; therefore, providing a child with a solid and predictable home to grow up in, is imperative to their future.
Why haven't you ever met your father? You almost did, once. When you were young, I received a letter from your father after he was released from jail. He said that, after going to jail, he'd changed, and he wanted to meet you. But I was afraid he hadn't changed. Roberto, I stopped you from meeting your father then because, although you are alike in some ways and your father has some very good qualities, you are also different in many ways, and I didn't want your father to be a bad influence or to hurt you. I wrote this letter, though, so when you're older you can understand my motivations.
I remember hearing that your father was in jail. I was holding the phone, talking to a friend, and suddenly it was like I couldn't hear anymore. I was pregnant with you, and I put my hand on my belly and felt you kick. I knew that this would happen, but I still was shocked. Octavio really wasn't going to be there for you--for us. Then, I knew I'd have to be the one you'd rely on for everything. He messed up his life by being in gangs and drugs. He let us down by going to jail--and it wasn't just that one thing. I couldn't count on him even before he went to jail. He thought of himself instead of thinking of me and you. He had bad friends, and he can be a very bad influence on the people around him. I looked up some information about people who go to jail at the Department of Justice website, and almost two thirds of prisoners who get out of jail are arrested again for serious crimes. I can't trust that your father won't be arrested again or go back to jail.
Still, your daddy is a part of you. You have so many of his good qualities--you're smart and funny and strong. That scares me too, sometimes. You got into some fights at school right before I got the letter from your father. It made me think how alike you were--good looking, smooth talkers, with so much potential! You both could make me so happy--and scared, too. Your father went the wrong way, and I didn't want you to follow him.
I can see your father in you, but you're still yourself--your own person. You have so many good qualities that your daddy doesn't have. You will do great things with your life, I know it. You're unselfish, with a good heart. And, though I can't trust your father right now--I know I can always trust you, because you show your love to me every day.
At the beginning of this letter, I asked why you have never met your father. I hope now you understand the reasons. Maybe, now that you're older and can understand better, you can meet with him if you want to. No matter what you decide, I'm sorry you couldn't have a better Daddy growing up. I've always wanted you to have good things, and I will always want you to have the best life possible.
I am sending you a copy of the letter that I plan to give to Roberto when he is older. I hope that it will help you understand why I do not want you in our lives right now. Your letter said you've changed, but I can't take the chance that it's not true, for Roberto's sake. I hope that you can respect my decision. Please write me back, and let me know that you will not call me anymore or try to see Roberto.
What is it I really want? Most of all, I want my son to get a good life. But what does that mean? I want him to be happy--safe--not, oh, I hope not in jail. He is a good boy, and I want lots for him. My problem--my question--is what is best for me to do, now and in the future.
To make a better life, I think we need to move. I don't know how, though, since It's so expensive. Moving is something for the future. It will take a long time, and I need to make a plan.
Before I start to think about moving, I have to think about the problem right now--I mean, what has made me start to worry in the first place. Roberto's teacher told me he was fighting at school. I went to meet with his teacher. I guess some kids have been teasing my son about having no father. This make me worry about all kinds of things. But the real problem is how Roberto can deal with other kids.
The first thing I need to concentrate on is helping Roberto deal with teasing kids without fighting. That leads me to another problem. What can Roberto say to those teasing boys? What can he do? That's my next issue to understand.
Why is it so hard for parents and children to get along? When I was a child, I had countless fights with my parents, and looking back, they seem sadly unnecessary. Still, I learned important life lessons from fighting with my parents. One argument that stands out in my mind took place on Christmas Eve.
The story begins when I had an epiphany. It seemed like a brilliant idea--to me, anyway. I was going to stay up and meet Santa Claus! Then, my parents told me I couldn't. My mother said, "Santa won't come until you're asleep." I cried. I screamed. I yelled! My parents sent me upstairs to bed. I wouldn't see Santa that night.
I lay angrily in my bed before going to sleep. I thought I'd never forgive my parents. What I didn't know was that there was no Santa. My parents just didn't want me to be disappointed. They wanted a good Christmas for all of us.
Eventually, I learned a lot from this fight. I ruined my own Christmas Eve by making my own problem. If I could have just trusted the people who loved me, my mother and father, then I could have had a much happier Christmas. This experience was one step toward becoming a more trusting son.
I guess parents and children will never really get along, but that's not a bad thing. Children are learning who they are, how they should act, and how to relate to their parents. This conflict taught me something about trust, and every argument teaches a child a little something new.
I cannot begin to tell you how much I miss our long talks, since you always help make things clear to me. You are my sounding board--my good advisor. Right now, I want to not so much share my problems as my joys.
I have been teaching writing to my class, and I know it would cheer you to hear about their work. They are traveling on the road to bringing their vibrant personalities out in words. Curtis has strong views; they need a voice. Dwayne has a unique point of view; it needs a voice. Maria is full of love for her son; it needs a voice. Finally, Elizabeth is full of potential; that, too, needs a voice.
I only have time for this short letter, but I hope that I find you well. I will share more later, as the learning continues.
The most important influence in my life has been my family. When I examine myself, I see that my most important character traits come from my home life: determination and pride in myself. These values make me who I am, and they are an invaluable legacy from my Italian-American ancestors.
My grandfather came to the United States from Italy and began working as a carpenter. He started with nothing, and my father grew up without new toys or clothes. When I was a young child, my parents and I lived in my grandfather’s house, and my father and grandfather worked together to build their carpentry business. My father used to tell me that no matter where you began in life, you could always make your life better through hard work. His determination served as an example for me. I saw his hard work pay off when the business began to grow, and I applied myself to school and learning the violin with the same determination. I see my achievements as an extension of my father and grandfather’s hard work, which taught me the determination I need to succeed.
Determination is only one gift my parents have given me. My mother taught me to take pride in myself and my heritage. In the afternoons, when my mother cooks dinner, she talks with me about Italy. She tells me her memories associated with the different dishes that she makes and stories about her family. She also talks with me about art and Italian culture. In turn, I tell my mother about my life and my feelings. Through her support and through her stories, I have become more confident in myself, and I see my relationship with Italy’s beautiful culture.
My family and my heritage have had a great impact on my life. My experience with my family has made me realize that family is important to every individual. Each person learns unique lessons from his or her cultural heritage. As I move out into the world, I hope to share the value of my culture with others and learn about others’ cultures as well.
